Time Hump Chronicles: Pt 1

You'd think a laptop circa 2013 would be smart enough to self adjust to different time zones. You'd be wrong, but you'd probably think that. Another win for Windows 8.

Today my family and I arrived in San Francisco for a quick visit before I continue on to Hong Kong on Tuesday. We were told we'd have an unusually fast flight (5.5 vs 6+ hours) which my Dad attributed to the jet streams, but since my knowledge of weather patterns doesn't extend beyond my 5th grade project of "El Nino" (Windows...accents...come on. two for you, Glen Coco!) I didn't question it and moved on to the windfall that was my CD drive:

So many more months ago than I care to admit, my friend stupidly lent me his entire Harry Potter DVD collection. One disc stowed away inside my laptop and came with me to college last semester. Upon discovering it, I promptly removed it and put it with my classical show tunes collection, where I knew it wouldn't be disturbed. By the grace of god, when I moved out I remembered I still had this precious disc in my possession, so back it went from whence it came, into my laptop and back to Boston. Apparently its journey ended there.

But all that's totally ok, because today I spent a solid 2 hours with the special features of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. It was even more awesome than it sounds. And now it's coming with me to China. Sorry, friend.

There were also some naps, an overpriced snack box, candy I snuck through security, and several high school a cappella recordings I found while going through my iTunes account, which are now in a playlist entitled "Blackmail".

Pride is living and giving in San Francisco. Even the rental car place inside the airport had celebratory rainbow balloons! We usually stay in the city for a night or two, but since my time here is so short, we drove straight to my Aunt and Uncle's house in Santa Rosa. I got some great pictures of the Golden Gate, and as we were driving, the famous fog was just starting to roll in for the evening. When you leave San Francisco, you go through a tunnel with a big rainbow painted on the entrance. I learned today that it's actually called "Waldo Tunnel", not "The-Rainbow-Tunnel-After-Which-the-Temperature-Magically-Increases-By-15+-Degrees". Either way, it seemed especially appropriate today.

We made it to Santa Rosa just in time for an amazing home cooked dinner of salmon, veggies, and my personal favorite, San Francisco sourdough garlic bread. California enables my bread addiction like nothing else.

So far so good in terms of beating the jet lag. Only 9 more hours to go in 3 more days.

~Rodcocker, out

Slip Slap Slop

I know, I know, 

"Lindsay, wtf, you promised me travel pictures and cultured Asian things, why are you talking to me about sunscreen? Go home. Who even are you?"

Who am I? I'm a porcelain doll with a milky white complexion, melanoma free since 1994. And I'm already home. But thanks, bro.

You're right, I did promise you a travel blog, and a travel blog you shall have. Here's the connection, albeit a tenuous one. My Grandma's super excited that I'm going to Hong Kong, but she always likes to weigh in with the same diatribe: "It's very hot there; do you know the signs of heat stroke?" followed by "You must PROMISE me to wear sunscreen and a hat."

Sunscreen. There is is. The bane of pale children and camp counselors alike. As someone who routinely maxes out the pale scale in just about every foundation brand, I feel pretty confident in saying that I have been around the (sun) block a fair few times in terms of UVA and UVB protection.

God, I am so sorry.

The other day one of my co-workers and I were joking about how, as lifeguards, we're the perfect acid test for different brands of sunscreen; If it survives a 6 hour camp day teaching and guarding, it's good enough to apply to your children liberally 2, 3, 12 times a day, whatever eases your conscience sending your kid out into the world with its disintegrating ozone layer. We don't judge your sunscreen choices, even when it clouds up the pool so badly that we have to close. It's ok, we get it. We'll grab some popsicles and chat about heat stroke prevention while we wait the rest of the summer for it to clear up.

Not all effective sunscreen is completely nasty, though. Through the years I've tried and erred, and with several spectacular farmer's tans burned into my sense memory, I'm thrilled to present to you what are, in my humble opinion, the top 7 sunscreen brands out there. 

1. Neutrogena Clear Face 

This stuff is number one on my list because it is the ONLY sunscreen I've ever found that doesn't feel like crisco on my skin AND effectively prevents the break-outs that typically come with high sunscreen usage. It comes in SPF 30 and 55, and I've never gotten burned while wearing it. It feels just like a light moisturizer when you put it on, and doesn't have a super strong sunscreen smell. The only downside is that it's sort of pricey, so I only use it on my face and neck.

2. Neutrogena Wet Skin Sunscreen Spray

This is what I typically use on my body when I know I'm going to be out in the sun for a long time. It's a clear spray that comes in SPF 30, 50, or 85+ (Although I've been told that sunscreen isn't incrementally effective past SPF 45 or 50) As an added bonus, the bottle says it can be applied directly to wet skin, but I've never tried it. The best part about this stuff is the same reason why some people don't like it; it has a very, very strong, sticky presence on your skin. Psychologically it's actually kind of reassuring because you feel super protected, and from a practical standpoint it's a nice thing too because you can physically feel when it's starting to wear off. I usually apply it once during the day if I'm guarding or at the beach, and sometimes reapply it to my shoulders if I feel it starting to wear off. Like any sunscreen, you're supposed to reapply every two hours or after swimming, but usually the stuff sticks to my skin like glue until I shower it off, so I've never felt the need.

3. Neutrogena Ultra Sheer Sunscreen (Dry Touch Sunscreen)

Neutrogena makes a lot of really great sunscreens. This is another one that's light, and great for use on your face, or body if you don't want to feel sticky. The only major differences between this and the Clear Face line are that it doesn't have the anti break-out factor, and it's a little cheaper.

4. Coppertone Sport Spray

Another clear spray, a close second to the Neutrogena spray. This one is great for sports and sweating, comes in a much bigger bottle than the Neutrogena, and is significantly cheaper. If you're swimming you'll have to re-apply it once or twice, but it gets the job done consistently. A little bit of a harsh smell, but you get used to it.

5. Blue Lizard ("Australian Sunscreen")

I don't know if it's actually Australian or not, but this is one of the brands I remember seeing a lot, especially on younger kids, when I was a camp counselor. This sunscreen is without a doubt the stickiest, thickest, greasiest, most disgusting sunscreen I've ever seen. That's probably why moms everywhere love it. The stuff sticks to your hands, and soap doesn't even take it off. You just have to wait and not touch anything until it finally wears off. I feel like the reason I only saw it on younger kids was because they were too young to know how nasty the stuff was.

6. NO-AD

This is one of the staples for the pale kids at American summer camps. It comes in huge bottles in tropical hues, and has a smell to peel paint off a fence. But it's ok because you could probably use NO-AD to repaint that fence. It works, so I'm told.

7. Bull Frog

This stuff was my mom's punishment of choice for me during my camp years. It made my counselors hate me, and it's probably the reason why I always got stuck with the banana or rootbeer flavored popsicles after swim. It's thick, it's gooey, it contains titanium dioxide, it will explode in your bag, but it works. Bull Frog also makes a gel sunscreen (think aloe vera gel), but I only remember my mom buying it once, so I probably got burned using it. It's a nice idea though, if you really can't stand the stickiness of most sunscreens.

That's it! Enjoy the sun and try not to get skin cancer!

~Your Friendly Neighborhood Lifeguard

“No, no! The adventures first, explanations take such a dreadful time.”

You know how they say the funniest people are the ones who take their circumstances completely seriously? Wit doesn't work like that. Wit is humor's megalomaniac baby cousin who shows up to the wedding completely trashed because he's just turned 21 and has something to prove. Wit is not effortless; in fact, she spends most of her life trapped in classrooms or behind standardized testing prep books, waiting for the day she can finally step into the sunlight and have her goddamn day along side the penis jokes and fart noises who spent their glory days chilling in the locker rooms, equalizing the playing field for those poor souls who didn't make it through pubescence psychologically unscathed. Wit stood behind the school, just beyond the jurisdiction of the faculty, mourning the loss of tact and clarity of thought amongst the masses, pausing every so often to take a pull on the cigarette he pawned off of a friend's older brother.

Starting a blog is hard. I actually have a concrete reason for starting this one (we'll get there eventually, I swear), and I still started this post 3 or 4 times with variations on the same theme: 

"I don't know what to write or if it will be any good so please don't judge me you don't even have to read it if you don't want to I really don't care because I'm a self actualized person I promise I'm just expressing my thoughts because {................} so you can see that this really has nothing to do with you, my probably non-existent *note the humble brag* readers, this is all for ME and MY JOURNEY so there. But feel free to comment and like to affirm my existence...you know...if you want."

My point is, good people of the internet, that I tried. Because everyone gets an "A" for effort when starting their own blog, yes? Yes. I tried to supplicate you with platitudes and acknowledgements of my own diaristic ignorance, and I ended up anthropomorphizing wit and humor, using my local high school as the backdrop. You're still here, so joke's on you, my friend.

At least I'll sleep better tonight knowing that I didn't start out of the gate with "I don't know how this will go..." Because why would I ever tell you the truth on the internet?

In eleven days and twelve hours I will be getting on the biggest plane I've ever seen to fly as far away as one can get on a round planet. I'll spend a month in Hong Kong before using my brand new tourist visa to visit Guangzhou, in mainland China. For those who I haven't yet bored to death with the story, the Hong Kong and Guangzhou YMCA's have generously offered me the opportunity to spend a summer with them as an intern, working with their summer camps and learning how the Y functions internationally. 

I am now debating the repercussions of mentioning my place of employment given what I have written thus far. 

Well, anyway, if you love travel pictures, China, and me, this is the blog for you. I'll try to give you your money's worth. 

-I haven't picked my quippy sign off yet.